images of idiocy

Halloween is probably my favorite holiday because I love scary movies, candy, drinking, and apparently any opportunity to dress up and make myself look like a complete fool. When I was trying to come up with a costume this year, I was lamenting the fact that I’m extremely lazy and also extremely cheap, two things that vastly hinder my ability to produce an epic costume. But then I remembered my two most recent costumes, both of which were awesomely low maintenence and highly ridiculous, and I realized that the pressure was on to find an even more absurd costume for this year.

Freshman year, Gretchen and I dressed up like Jay and Silent Bob, and aside from my initial apprehension about going into public with a magic marker beard drawn on my face, it was probably the best, easiest, and most practical Halloween costume to ever appear at the slutty Halloween party that our friends threw every year. The costume was such a big hit, in fact, that we decided to bring it back senior year, partially out of laziness and partially out of tribute to how outrageously uncanny it was.


Sophomore year was the year that I became increasingly anxious about money issues since I was trying to save for my upcoming semester abroad, so I decided to forsake the idea of attempting a costume at all and settle for just getting drunk in plainclothes on Halloween and Halloween weekend. But when my friend saw that I was planning on going to the slutty Halloween party wearing regular clothes, she let me borrow this amazing cow sweatshirt that somebody’s mom made in the eighties, I think.

So for this year, I had to find something that made me look even more foolish than I did with a fake beard or a saggy felt udder. The catch, though, was that the costume had to also be as low maintenence as the previous two, and therein lay the challenge.

So the week before Halloween, Garik, Caitlyn, Gretch and I went to the Halloween store and spent a lot of time examining the wares and talking about how much it would suck to work at a place like that because you have to listen to annoying kids like us come in and press all the buttons on the displays and snicker at the shockingly wide variety of “sexy” costumes available for women. Sexy Wednesday Addams was probably my favorite this year.

Caitlyn picked up some stuff for an impromptu Lady Gaga getup, and I seriously contemplated buying a beer helmet and a pair of earrings shaped like handcuffs, not for a particular costume, but you know, just to have. Then Garik and I stumbled upon the hot dog costume, and we both doubled over in a giggle fit at how idiotically awesome it was. When it dawned on me that the costume was not only hilarious but  also provided endless opportunities for wiener jokes, I knew we had found a winner.

Happy Halloweenie!

Come on. Something like that can’t NOT be funny.

Incidentally, though, I hate the word wiener. It would probably be on my top five list of words that make me cringe, but I won’t get into the details of that list. Not today anyway.

The fact that it’s almost Thanksgiving and I’m just now getting around to posting about Halloween further illustrates my point about me being extremely lazy. I think I really like this blogging business, but unfortunately I don’t have the attention span or the enthusiasm to actually make this blog into something sort of legit. I need a snappy title, and a nicer design, and a camera so I don’t have to wait on other peoples’ Facebook pictures, and the patience to learn the ins and outs of WordPress, and maybe like, a life, to give me some kind of fodder to generate interesting posts, but unfortunately I’m having a hard time getting my hands on all of these things, so for now, it is what it is. If you are actually reading, THANK YOU, and I welcome your suggestions about how to make it better.


5 thoughts on “images of idiocy

  1. You should find memorable or interesting stories from your college and high school experiences and turn them into stories or narratives; I know you’ve had enough epic experiences and have the writing abilities to make them great reads. Almost like a chapter from a David Sedaris book.

  2. I hate the word weiner too. However, I do love the word snoogans – it remains one of my favorite phrases along with “snoochie boochies” and “mother mother fuckfuck.”

  3. Pingback: springfield runs red « lynsey's blog

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