new shoes for the holidaze

It’s Columbus Day and I find myself celebrating my day off from work by sitting at Caribou and feeling really grumpy about the fact that the front wall, which is made entirely of windows, is letting in way too much sunlight and aggravating my lingering hangover from the shenanigans of Wittenberg Homecoming this past weekend. And I would just wear my sunglasses indoors, except that then I can’t see my computer screen, so I take off my sunglasses and squint at Facebook for a while until some guy who is clearly slightly off his rocker comes over and sits down on the couch across from me. Well, first he asks if the seat is taken, gesturing wildly with his cup of coffee and splashing it everywhere, narrowly missing my lap and my computer, and when I say no he sits down and starts talking a mile a minute about my new orange Converses (which, undoubtedly, are fucking sexy and worth talking about and are on display since I’m maybe a little inappropriately putting my feet up on the coffee table) but he’s kind of slurring his words and I can’t really understand him and then he pulls a leaf or something that is stuck to some mud off the bottom of my shoe and asks me if I’m in the WNBA, and I decide it’s time to go.

So I come home and I put my pajamas back on and I think about how more importantly than it being Columbus Day is the fact that it’s also National Coming Out Day, and even better than that, it’s You-Just-Won-Such-Random-Shit Day since Nicole from More Is Better is sending me an autographed copy of Third Eye Blind’s new album AND an autographed Tommy Hilfiger headshot, and maybe also a kaleidescope. Because she’s awesome. And because I may or may not be Third Eye Blind’s number one fan, and the fact that she got to see them for free AND meet Stephan Jenkins sort of sent me into a jealous rage that was remedied only by her being cool enough to give away that stuff to someone she doesn’t even know. So THANKS NICOLE!

The celebrations of today are a fantastic icing on the cake of what was a pretty great Homecoming weekend, where I managed to avoid getting shot by the armed suspect that was on campus Saturday night, and where I did not lose my car keys even though for a few hours I was sure that I did until I realized they were locked in my car, and where I EVEN acted with dignity and grace when dealing with the completely unexpected and inexplicable run-in with my ex boyfriend at the bar on Saturday afternoon. That last one I’m still a little shaken up about, and I seriously do feel like I’m still hungover and somehow not in my right mind, but all in all the weekend was still a much-needed break from reality after what was not the greatest week last week.

The things that happened that made me not a fan of last week were these:

1. My dog faceplanted into her food and spilled it all over the kitchen and had numerous accidents in the house and kept falling down because her legs were shaking and kept giving out on her, and I thought for sure she was going to die and my mom refused to take her to the vet because “she’s just old! the vet can’t help her!” and I almost made myself sick worrying about this dog that has been like a freaking sister to me for the last fourteen years. I took her to the vet and they gave her painkillers and recommended some supplements to help her cognitive functions because they said she has “doggy dementia,” meaning she’s getting senile in her old age, but also there is something odd going on with her liver and they aren’t sure what it is so they want us to bring her back in a month to check up on that.

2. I hit a deer on my way to work. THANK GOD I did not completely fuck up my car, but I’m pretty sure I fucked up the deer, and I feel really guilty about that but mostly I just feel thankful that Big Sal made it out with nothing more than a cracked headlight and a small dent in her hood. And I got out of my car and shook my fist at the sky and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs and almost cried imagining the deer dying a slow painful death somewhere from internal injuries or something, but I still managed to make it to work on time so all in all, I guess it wasn’t that bad.

3. I had an interview for a really awesome office manager position in Columbus where I would be making tons more money and would actually have health insurance and also actually be able to put my experience to use, but of course I didn’t get it, which just brought back that wonderful feeling of failure that I experienced so often at the beginning of the summer after getting excited about all the interviews I had that never turned into jobs because I’m horrible at selling myself and despite my degree am underqualified for real jobs.

4. I passed up the opportunity to go see one of my favorite bands in Columbus with an old friend who managed to find some tickets on Craigslist even though it was sold out because I was like “well, since my best friends who were supposed to go couldn’t make it to the concert and since the tickets are sold out and I’ll already be spending obscene amounts of money on Friday at Wittenberg anyway, maybe I should take it as a sign that it isn’t meant to be and that I should just give up on trying to go and settle for getting belligerently drunk with my friends for a second night at Homecoming instead.” And in retrospect, I really wish I would have gone to the concert on Saturday because I know it was EPIC and if I had gone I wouldn’t have had that unexpected and inexplicable run-in with my ex boyfriend and therefore wouldn’t be racking my brain trying to figure out WHAT IT ALL MEANS when deep down I know that it probably means nothing.

So hooray for the holiday weekend and for the mask of dignity and grace that allowed me to hide my emotions deep down where they couldn’t destroy my buzz, and also hooray for Stephan Jenkins and his all-too-wise advice to Nicole that “every day should be totally random.” And an even bigger hooray for autographed prize packages and for random gifts from Jacque such as a camel keychain from Egypt and a shirt with a peacock feather on it to remind me that material posessions are a good supplement for emotional clarity, and since I am now having a sweet sweet love affair with my brand new orange Converse then maybe it will be easier to convince myself that I’m over wanting a love affair with anyone or anything else.



One thought on “new shoes for the holidaze

  1. Well, what do you expect? Those Converses are pretty fucking baller. What man could possibly ever resist?

    P.S. I just signed up for email notifications for when you write new posts dude.

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